Pesach Ain't Easy+ meal ideas

Everything is off balance during Passover. My house is upside down right now. With boxes of Passover pots and pans and random spices and very sharp knives that only get used once a year. There are crumbs of matzah everywhere. For a holiday about freedom and controlling your own destiny, the preparation and execution is oppressive and out of control. Cleaning, cooking, aching backs, and seriously high receipts from Shoprite in Plainview remind us that redemption is not a walk in the park.

I'm in a little bit of a Passover haze. The holiday is in full swing and I literally do not know what to eat. When I would normally grab a granola bar, now I grab... matzah and cream cheese. When I could throw together a pasta salad, now I grab.... matzah and cream cheese. Everything is out of sorts. Eventually, you get sick of matzah and cream cheese and the creative side of you takes over. As they say, "necessity is the mother of invention." I start exploring old recipes with appropriate Pesach substitutions and googling new recipes. Moroccan soup, zucchini fritters, spaghetti squash marinara start popping up in my mind.

This seems to be the goal of Passover- to take you out of your comfort zone so that you remind yourself of your resourcefulness.

Anyone who has started a new profession, moved homes, or started over in some way, knows that redeeming your life takes hard work and sacrifice. It is an act of changing course, of reimagining your life and executing a new future. There are many steps towards the process and you are forced to get creative.

Pesach is our yearly reminder that we and our families have the strength to withstand some upheaval for the sake of our own growth. A zissen pesach, my friends.  May your resourcefulness yield creative and new and enjoyable recipes!

Here are a list of recipes that frequent my Kosher for Passover kitchen:

Roasted eggplant

Eggplant Parmesan

Zucchini Fritters

Shakshuka

Ratatouille

Guacamole

Hearts of palm, tomato, and avocado salad

Quinoa with beets and sweet potatoes

Cauliflower Fritters

Letting Go

I want you to picture the Costco-sized container of hamantashen sitting on my parents’ marble countertop on Long Island, begging to be eaten. When I was a child, we would pack special Purim baskets, mishloach manot, to give to friends and family. They were full of peanut chews, pretzels, Hershey kisses and, of course, hamantashen. I sat there filling the cute little decorative boxes that had “BERNSTEINS” emblazoned on the front.

Unfortunately, more hamantashen got into my mouth than into the baskets. It was like the Looney Toons cartoon where a mobster gives out money to his gang, counting, “One for you, one for me. Two for you…One, two for me…” It was fun and carefree, not a big deal. But this kind of behavior made me significantly overweight by the time I was 16. That was when I started Weight Watchers, lost over 50 pounds and changed the course of my life.

I am a big fan of mindful eating, but once I started following the points plan I also resented having to be so precise about what I ate. Why couldn’t I just eat until a button popped? Better yet, why couldn’t I be that person who could eat what she wanted and still stay thin?! (I hear those mythical creatures actually exist.) I was so focused on my new self-control that I never allowed myself a “night off.” But this control sometimes backfired. Being too strict triggered some enormous binge fests. So I began to ask if there a way to relieve some of the pressure of always being so good, without running the risk of falling back into old habits? Can we plan to go a little crazy?

Purim offers a little guidance on this subject matter. In a nutshell, the evil Haman wanted to wipe out the Jews, especially Mordechai, but in the end, it was Haman and his people who got the noose, and the original plan was turned on its head.

That is why Purim is a wacky night. It is the Jewish “opposite day,” so much so that the rabbis in the Talmud said that a person is obligated to become so drunk [with wine] on Purim that he or she cannot tell the difference between the cursed Haman and the blessed Mordechai. We dress up in costumes, eat elaborate feasts and just have a good time.

The anthropologist in me sees the connection between Purim, Carnevale and Mardi Gras. These are somewhat sanctioned nights of “letting go.” It’s a valve that releases the pressure of our strict expectations.

We can apply the same concept to eating. It’s unreasonable to expect that I will never eat an eggplant Parm hero (my Achilles heel) or enjoy a few hamantashen on my favorite holiday. It’s important to make room and decide how we want to splurge on something that is worth it.

Once a month I would eat carefully all week and save up points for an entire hero. For others, it’s the cocktail hour at a wedding or 4th of July barbecue. We can foresee a night in which we want to relax with something really tasty and save up to splurge. Then we just get back on track at the next meal. It’s about feeling less deprived.

Sometimes you have to plan to be a little out of control.

- See more at: http://jewishfoodexperience.com/a-sanctioned-night-of-letting-go/#sthash.xUufvQSM.dpuf

Searching for My Mojo

I felt like I was in control of my eating for a few months. I would sit down for a meal, finish what was on my plate and not go fishing in my fridge for something more. Sometimes, I would even (gasp) leave a little food if I was full. I ate when I was hungry. I asked my body what it needed to eat instead of telling it. And now… I feel like my mojo is gone and I'd like to get it back somehow. You know when you’ve hit that smooth spot of weight loss, and whatever you're doing it's working, and you just want to bottle it for when you're in a rough patch? Anyone have some bottled mojo?!?!

There is nothing like those first couple of weeks on WW where you follow the plan to a “T” and the weight just melts off. That was some good mojo. I remember my first week and a half on Weight Watchers. I was an overweight teenager who had promised herself every summer that she would magically lose weight and suddenly everyone would look at her differently. Never happened... and you begin to feel like a failure after a while.

But after my first week and a half, I went down 6.8 pounds. I absolutely couldn't believe it. After they told me how much I had lost, I felt this strong sense of pride and relief and shock taking root in my chest. I felt tears forming, eager to flow down my cheeks with amazement and joy. I quietly took my seat grinning ear to ear. I had done it. 

To think back on those moments actually makes me feel a little stronger right now. To remember how far I have come…to remember how much it meant to me to take control over my life.

This past Rosh Hashanah I talked about memory. There is a whole portion of the service called Zichronot (remembrances) devoted to remembering what God did for our ancestors. I introduced this section to the community with the following quote: “God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December (James M. Barrie).” Memory can be so powerful. We don't stop to reflect on our paths often enough to be witness to our own strength. We take successes for granted and setbacks as failures. Winters and summers come and go just like weight losses and gains. For everything there is a season. And when our mojo is frozen perhaps we need to reach back in our memories to sweet smelling moments of pride and success to last us until the winter thaws. And it will thaw. I have faith. 

So… until Weight Watchers and Oprah figure out how to bottle mojo, I’ll rely memory. 

Thanksgiving Survival Guide

I think it is safe to say that Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I can travel (unlike many Jewish holidays), I don't have to host (thanks to my generous and organized mother-in-law, Carol), and I don't have to deliver a sermon!!!

BUT it has all of the the food pitfalls of all of the other holidays. Even though I don't eat Turkey (gobble gobble), I do usually have to loosen my belt or wear something with an elastic waist band on T-day. Here is the quicksand I usually find myself in during this sumptuous holiday:

1. If I don't eat, _______________, it's not Thanksgiving. What is your fill-in-the-blank? Pumpkin pie? Pecan pie (drooling, glahhhrg). Stuffing (glahhhrg again). When I wasn't a vegetarian, my favorite was a fork prepared with three items all stacked on my tongs ready to invade my mouth in this order, Turkey-Stuffing-cranberry sauce (regretting vegetarianism right now). Somehow the food makes the holiday. Will I feel satisfied without my favorites?

2. I'm enjoying myself and want to add to the pleasure with various caloric and delicious accoutrement like wine and deviled eggs.... mmmmm, mayonnaise goodness. Oooh, ooh, I just remembered the biscotti that my hubby's cousin makes. TO DIE FOR. As I said last week, sugar loves sugar, and pleasure loves pleasure, so I end of wanting to marbim besimcha, increase my joy with joyous foods.

3. I'm feeling anxious. There is something about seeing family that you only encounter once a year that makes you defend yourself and life circumstances, even if it's just in your head. There must be some sort of ligament in my arm that is attached to the area in my brain for small talk because I end up mindlessly shoving forkfuls of stuffing in my pie hole every time I answer questions about what it's like to be a rabbi on Long Island. In reality, I should be stuffing it in my stuffing hole, but that is neither here nor there.

4. I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling by not eating their food. Does this sound familiar, "honey, just try a sliver for Grandma Silvia (note there is no Grandma Silvia in my life)." Even if it is not explicitly said, you still don't want to hurt imaginary or real feelings, by "ignoring" someone's dish whose stove must be very hot because they were slaving over it. I end up over eating because I don't want to hurt other people's feelings. What about my feelings??

5. Leftovers. Leftovers. Leftovers. You end up eating the same foods again and again.

OK OK. Now that the pitfalls have been discussed, here are some SURVIVAL TIPS. Thanks to my meeting for inspiring many of these ideas:

1. Don't starve yourself the day of. Being ravenous only leads you to eat more later on. Eat a small, but substantial enough, meal like an omelet or yogurt with nuts.

2. If there is nothing "on plan" for you to eat at your meal, bring a dish that will make you satisfied and proud of yourself. You are worth the effort and most hosts will welcome some extra help.

3. Eat your main meal on a salad plate. This small swap actually works and you end up eating less. If you go back for seconds it's still less than if you ate on those platters we call plates.

4. Remember that when you say YES to someone else, you are saying NO to yourself. We deserve YES too (thanks for this tip, Stacey).

5. How to say YES to yourself in constructive ways: Treat yourself to something just for you that morning or the day before. I go out specifically to get a skinny vanilla latte that morning. It helps me get out of the house and the act of treating myself reminds me that when I say YES to myself in ways that are healthy and make me happy, I can make better choices later.

5. Move a little more:
 A. Add 5 minutes to your jog or walk that morning.
 B. In the middle of the meal, pause, and walk up and down the stairs a couple of times.
 C. Start a walking revolution. Invite other guests to walk around the block between the main meal and dessert. Don't forget to help clear first (Thanks, Joann for this tip)!

6. Keep your hands busy and have a special cup/drink that is no calorie, to inhibit your hands from picking.

7. Decide if you are willing to take a weight gain, a plateau, or if you want to lose. Everyone else will have different goals. If you're good with a weigh gain, how much? To each, his or her own and if Thanksgiving is your absolute FAV then maybe you're good with a bigger number on the scale. You can recover and rededicate the next day or next week.

8. Give away, throw away, or freeze leftovers. 'Nuff Said

I have now shared all of my wisdom and have none left. I hope you leave your meals feeling satisfied. Some people say that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.  Not my favorite saying. On Thanksgiving, the food tastes pretty damn good. But being satisfied with your choices and having control is glorious.

Perhaps we could say, "nothing tastes as good as being proud of yourself feels."

Sugar Loves Sugar

I heard this phrase, "sugar loves sugar," from a woman in my meeting and I understood right away. You have a crazy hankering for something sweet. You pop a weight watchers bar in your mouth, thinking it will do the trick, but it doesn't. You chug some diet coke, go into the freezer and chip away at frozen chocolate cake. Suddenly you have consumed an entire bag of kettle corn popcorn and you finally wake up. Something stops you finally and you only wish that this sudden halt would have happened an hour ago. 

SUGAR LOVES SUGAR. Eating something sweet just leads you down the rabbit hole. This isn't to say that this is always true, sometimes (when?) one Hershey Kiss is enough (what am I saying?). But often we find ourselves sliding down that slippery slope. And we have blown our extra weekly points and feel so out of control that we might as well not even calculate the damage. 

It reminds me of a teaching from Pirkei Avot: "Mitzvah goreret mitzvah, aveirah goreret aveirah." Doing one mitzvah leads you to another. Doing one sin leads you to another." A sense that you get seduced and it opens a door within you. 

The same is true of mindful acts to take care of yourself. Do one and you feel more inclined to do another. Intentionally get out of the subway one stop early and walk a little more. Buy a type of fruit this week that you have never tried. Eat dinner with a beautiful place setting and make dinner an experience. It's amazing how one act can lift you from an eating fog. We often think that weight loss requires major changes, but in truth its just a little decision right now that can shift our behavior. 

And what if we find ourselves down the rabbit hole, 60 points later? Should we just give up that day or the week, thinking "I can't lose this week anyway, why bother?" It is so easy and natural to think this way. One of my previous leaders said, if you broke one egg in a carton, would you go ahead and break the other 11? Of course not! So why not just change our thinking, forgive ourselves, learn something and then move on. 

Sugar may love sugar, but self care also loves self care. 

For Your Sake

“Our master taught:  Every person should have two pockets.  In one pocket should be a piece of paper saying:  “I am but dust and ashes” (Genesis 18:27).  In the other pocket should be a piece of paper saying:  “For my sake was the world created” (Mishnah Sanhedrin 4:5).

I'm focussing on those times when you need the 2nd note.

You ever have one of those days where you feel like everything you say is wrong or unintelligent? We have the most irrational thoughts on these days. We tell ourselves no one loves us, that we are ugly, undesirable, that if people really knew us, they would run the other direction. We forget what happen is feels like and we are 90% sure we will never feel that way again.

OY it's hard to be human.

It's on those days when we are searching for something or someone to take away that pain, to say to us, “ I know you and the world was created for your sake, this moment was created for your sake.” We are lucky when we have people who know us well and make us feel so loved. To be honest, I strive for that kind of self love independent of who or what is around me. So that I am master of my own happiness. Sometimes it works. Often it doesn't. It's really hard. We often don't have the right back up to combat those feelings. And they would come on a way. So we feel that pain and turn to something soothing. Everyone has a different poison. Something to fill the void left behind this feeling of worthlessness.

It's strange that on those days we can't remember the feeling we have had of satisfaction. Wouldn't it be great if we could bottle that sensation? This is what commercials and packaging do. They try and convince us that whatever they want us to consume will make us feel like a million bucks. It won't. We will be momentarily distracted. Sometimes we need a little distraction but maybe one that is less fattening. I remember a meeting where a leader suggested hugging a teddy bear or calling a friend. We can distract with healthier options, but even too many frozen grapes can lead to a weight gain.

The question is, how do you shift from thinking you are dust and ashes to thinking that the world was created for your sake? Therapy is always a good choice. Good friends help. I think this is a lifelong battle for most of us. Not a switch that can be flipped. But there are things we can do to strengthen the self love muscle. Little gestures to ourselves can help remind us that the world was created for our sake.

I heard in a meeting that a woman goes out of her way to make herself feel special by drawing a bath. Another woman gets her nails done. A shopping trip or sitting down and making an elaborate meal just for yourself with a place setting and a rose. A deliberate act of saying to yourself, “you are worth the effort.” These are the notes in the pocket that say to us, “ the world was created for your sake.” Maybe we need to make a literal note that says this!  I envision a t-shirt with this printed or a pretty sign that is sold in Ace Hardware for your kitchen, right next to the sign that says, “I cook with wine and sometimes I even add it to the food.”

We spend so much time making others feel loved. Let's steal a little back and devote it to ourselves. We can also take a break and realize that even this feeling will pass and we will feel satisfied and strong again. Know what note you need at what time and don't be afraid to pull it out. It's not a luxury to make yourself feel good. It is a necessity. The right note at the right time. We’re worth it. 

Leaning in

I survived the High Holidays! With a little bit of distance and reflection I can say that there was something different this year.  There was an dynamic energy in the room, a rhythm, a different vibe. Even my own prayers were more deeply expressed and felt. 

With my 30th birthday falling out on Yom Kippur, I would have expected the opposite. Fasting is enough to bring your energy down, but celebrating a birthday without cake or the usual fan fare can get you depressed.  As I've expressed before in this blog, this birthday also comes with tension. These big milestones cause us to not only celebrate, but also to grieve years behind us we will never be able to revisit and ask big questions. This tension really challenged me to do a deeper cheshbon hanefesh, soul searching. Elul, the month leading up to Rosh Hashanah, we are charged with confronting the decisions we have made. Couple that with another decade behind me and my cheshbon hanefesh was in full force, asking: What have I accomplished? Who have I become? What do I want the future to look like? I was living the tension, breathing it and running full force into it.

Coincidentally or not coincidentally,  I am also at my lowest weight (not just because of the fast, ladies and gentlemen!) This got me wondering, what is the relationship (if there is any) between "leaning in" (thank you Sheryl Sandberg) instead of ignoring tension and success at the scale?

This question really gets at how we deal with hard emotions in general: panic, anxiety, frustration, disappointment and boredom.You know what I'm talking about. Let's pretend you just wrote an entire blog entry (ahem) and it got lost (ahem) twice... (ahem), and you instinctively pop a brownie in your mouth without even realizing it. I can remember preparing for a big presentation the night before and getting so worked up that I began rummaging through my pantry and consumed the remains of a delicious eggy Zomicks Challah. Mmmmm..... Sweet sweet pillowy challah. Focus. This quick mindless snack soothes, distracts, and allows us to momentarily get our minds off of what is causing us tension. The issue is that we are left with the same problem after we're done chewing and we're making it harder for ourselves to control our eating.
 
So, what do you do? Lately I have been naming the emotion, literally saying out loud, "I am panicked because..." Naming the feeling doesn't remove the pain but it does allow it to settle with less frenzy.

I think of it like Adam in Genesis 2.  God needed a gardener and a zoo keeper for Eden so God makes Adam. What is Adam's first task? He names the animals. Naming something gives you some ownership over it, not to subdue it like Bereishit 1, but to be able to interact with it and call it to you. You become its master. Call the tension towards you instead of dodging it.

Weight loss is not only about food management and exercise. It's about the inner world of the individual. I know how many points are in a bagel. I don't need my meeting leader or friends for that. But each week, new challenges are sent my way and each week I need new inspiration, a different perspective, and refreshed commitment to help navigate the tension in my inner and outer life. Sometimes, when we lean into the tension, call it to us and don't let it wander our way, we not only feel more in control, but we feel more satisfied and we're willing to challenge ourselves and grow.