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Beating Kevin

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

This Is Good

I found a surprise on my seat during my Weight Watchers meeting this morning. Along with my name tag, sat a card. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was for, but when I opened it I found birthday wishes from all of my Weight Watchers friends from that meeting. So sweet! I must have the best meeting. I had told my buddy, Kevin (yes, THE Kevin), that I was going away with 2 friends to celebrate our 30th birthdays and he rallied the troops to welcome me back with a card. Meanwhile, my birthday actually falls on Yom Kippur this year. Woohoo! Let's all celebrate with no cake and bad breathe. But we celebrated early to accommodate all our birthdays and now I have a card from my meeting to add to my simcha (happiness). As my mother always says, "happiness shared is multiplied."

The reason I am telling you all this is because of something amazing Kevin said to me. After I thanked him for the card, Kevin added, "you're worth it!"... What shocked me even more than his little blessing was my reply, "I think so too!" I'm not sure why, but tears flow through my eyes as I write this. Why is it such a big deal to say and really feel that I am worth it? Shouldn't this feeling of worthiness be ingrained in my deepest core? Shouldn't I look at the life I have built and the body that I live in and be like the God of Bereishit (Genesis) who looks at creation and says "this is good?" You're damn straight this is good (now militant Dahlia comes out).

 I'm angry that it has taken me so long to feel worthy. I'm not sure who I am angry with... magazines,  TV, models, our self perpetuating culture of extremes... It would take too much effort and therapy to figure that out and not enough room in this blog post. In fact my anger dissipates as I realize it is counter productive. It's time to nurture the positive, rather than stew on the negative. 

Our theme this morning in my meeting was body gratitude, identifying things you love about your body. It may seem self serving, but it is so important to cultivate and it really ties into worthiness. Think about all we have done with and in our bodies?!? I promise to keep this PG;) Some in my meeting shared that they loved their bodies because they had carried and birthed their babies. What a miracle! So I'll bare my soul and share what I am grateful for. I am celebrating this body because with it I have:

Climbed Masada in Israel many many times
Got down on the floor during the song "Shout" with my hubby and our friends at our wedding
Earned a bachelors, masters, and rabbinic ordination 
Done the freeze (break dancing move) at a ton of USY (youth group) dances...jealous?
Lifted my closest friends up on chairs at their weddings
Built a sukkah and various ikea furniture with my bare hands  
Stomped my feet with 100  8 year-olds singing "Ozi Vezimrat Yah"...(God you are my might) at camp
Lost 48 pounds! Even if some (or God forbid, ALL) of it comes back, I gotta celebrate that feat.  

This can just go on and the list will grow with every move I make. Maybe it will inspire others to make their own list. 

We're taught in the Jewish tradition that our bodies are on loan to us for our lifetime. They are a holy gift. Every time I cut up veggies or go for a run, it is not a punishment. It is an act of love and gratitude. 

Perhaps 30 will be the decade of, "I'm worth It."- Scratch that... I can't just wait and hope that someone will look at my life and bless it. It's time to look at the world I have created and say, "this is good." Because... it is:)

1 comment:

  1. This is beautiful.
    I understand why Joshua was in awe of you...
    You are an amazing woman.

    Love Sharon Schwabenbauer